Sometimes It’s The Little Things…..
Travel may bring once-in-a-lifetime experiences, give us memories we will treasure for ever, but if you keep a journal, or, indeed, a blog, you also build up a collection of those funny little moments…..
He appears out of nowhere as we walk across the sand dunes.
“Guten tag. Wie geht es dir?”, he asks
“Wir sind Englisch, nicht Deutsch”.
“Oh you are from England. Where from? London, Manchester? Let me tell you one thing, this place is so much better with guide. A guide who knows.”
“We don’t need a guide. Thank you. We are OK”, says Michaela.
“OK. You need to know way to beach? I can show you”.
“We know where the beach is. Thank you”
“OK, one last question. Will you marry me?”
Laughter. “No!!”
“Why not? I am nice Turkish man”.
Haircuts in foreign lands. Great fun. Nerve racking for Michaela (style), not so for Phil (not a lot of hair).
Different places, different methods, always fun, but often the fascination is the “extras”. Eyebrows, ear hair, nasal hair, maybe even a little head massage.
And then there’s Ortaca and the ear hair method. This guy takes a cotton wool bud and dips it in something flammable, lights it with his cigarette lighter, and shoves it into my ear. Yep, he literally sets fire to my ear hair. The end justifies the means.
As a couple, we haven’t ever totally bought into the technological age. We don’t do much social media away from this blog, we aren’t so hooked to our devices that we constantly need to know who is in contact or what is happening, and so it’s not uncommon for us, when travelling, to leave home without our phones.
We sit down at the seafront bar table, which has a QR code in its centre, labelled “menu”.
“Do you have draught beer?”, is all I ask her.
She points to the QR code.
Michaela and I simultaneously go palms up, to indicate that we don’t have any devices with us.
The look of utter disbelief on her face, the incredulity that two people could be let loose in 2020 without a “device” between them, is priceless.
“I have good news for you”, he says, from his stool outside the shop, “today we are not charging for you to come and look in my shop”.
We laugh but decline the invitation.
“All T shirts, only priced at 10 each, every T shirt. But just for you, I sell at 5 but only today”.
“No thank you”.
“Why not? I sell to you for half price. It’s just 5”.
“No thank you”.
“OK you win, you can have them for 6”.
“What is this”, we say, pointing to the small animal splayed open and ready to barbecue.
She hesitates, just for one giveaway moment. “Baby pig” she blurts.
Michaela raises her camera and by eye contact asks if it’s OK.
“No photo no photo”, says the apron clad lady with some urgency.
Before arriving in Laos we’d heard talk of the “rat on a stick” phenomenon, that certain markets will barbecue the vermin which is then happily eaten by the locals. Thus, we know what we’re looking at here, and it sure as hell is not a baby pig.
We like cooking with ras-el-hanout, it’s one of those ingredients which really make home cooking feel and taste like authentic reproductions of meals on our travels. I guess we also felt a little bit smug sourcing and using such an exotic creation.
Until Skoura market, where the spice farmer, seizing on our obvious interest in cookery, led us from his modest market stall to his more substantially stocked shop around the corner. Amid the myriad different spices, jars and bags of mostly unidentifiable plants and produce, I spy a familiar label.
“Ah” I say, in my most authoritative voice of wisdom, “we use ras-el-hanout in England, it is not easy to find”.
He looks at me wistfully.
“Ras-el-hanout”, he says slowly, “this is for the ladies who don’t know how to cook”.
“…………..”
He sat back in his chair and sipped his chai as he reminisced, as lots of Turks seem to, about his national service.
“I served on ship”, he says.
“Ah so in the navy?”
“No I was in the army but served my time at sea”.
“Did you enjoy the experience? Was it good?”
“It was terrible. 400 men on board and no women. It was two years of 31”, he says, with a gravelly laugh.
“31?”, I ask, but he dismisses me with another laugh.
We Google. 31, it seems, is a Turkish euphemism for….erm….a certain self indulgent exercise. It means 3 fingers and 1…..well, you get the picture.
21 Comments
wetanddustyroads
Ah, I had a good laugh now at all these funny stories! Thanks for sharing them. I need a few packets of ras-el-hanout please 😁.
Phil & Michaela
Ha, deal!
grandmisadventures
What a great collection of those ‘dear diary’ moments that you always remember…except for fire in your ear- that just sounds terrifying and made me want to yell out to the computer “No, don’t do it!” 🙂
Phil & Michaela
It’s the crackling sound that’s really scary!
Mike and Kellye Hefner
These stories gave me a laugh today. Thank you!
Heyjude
So funny, thanks for sharing these. You’re right, it is the little things. 😂
Dave Ply
Somehow, the idea of someone sticking a flaming cotton swab in my ear kind of freaks me out. Did you see this in a mirror?
I’ve also experienced the QR code, what do you mean you don’t have a cell phone look in Mexico. (I had a phone, but no local sim card. Used it for downloaded map/GPS and hotel WiFi.)
Phil & Michaela
Nope, he lit it right in front of me and then simply shoved it in my ear. And then did the other one.
Suzanne@PictureRetirement
Good chuckle. Nothing like a good ear hair bon fire to get you going.
WanderingCanadians
Thanks for the laugh! I can’t believe someone would think that they could convince you that the rat on a stick was a baby pig. Yeah right! That’s a hard pass.
Andrew Petcher
I am a QR quote denier. I rarely take my phone out with me, they are a distraction. If I need a QR code I can always go somewhere else.
Toonsarah
A great read 😂😂 And yes, it’s the little things that stick in the mind. Talking of sticks, I managed to get a ‘baby pig’ photo in Luang Prabang. They didn’t freak me out TOO much, but the mole displayed beside them, cut open with all its innards on show (so people could see it was fresh, said our guide) was another matter! As for the ‘ear hair method’, Chris came back from a trip to a barber in Newcastle once, owned by a Turkish man, where he’d experienced the same thing. He’s never forgotten it, he was so traumatised by the experience!
Phil & Michaela
It’s a funny world if you’re tuned in to humour!
leightontravels
You made me laugh, Phil. The ‘Ear hair method’ though sounds traumatic. A baby pig – who would’ve believed that.
Phil & Michaela
And as for the “31”……..well what can you say to that….
Monkey's Tale
Great stories! That’s what makes travel memorable and so worth it.
Third Culture Kid
It is amazing how the smallest things can be so funny!
Phil & Michaela
Absolutely! Thank you for your visit, and comment, we always appreciate it…
rkrontheroad
Delightful stories! I have certainly heard the “just for you” pricing enough times… The ear wax one is the strangest.
Annie Berger
Great smiles for the day!
Phil & Michaela
Thanks Annie – waiting with interest to see your next posts on recent trips!