Diani beach near Mombasa Kenya
Africa,  Kenya,  Photography,  World food

Diani Time: Mishaps & Monkey Business

August 2, 2024 /

Sometimes you know you’ve just had a stroke of luck.

Our apartment in Diani is small but has a lovely outdoor space, in fact the “outdoor lounge” is as big as the interior. Today is boat trip day, Amos the boat trip man (who by the way calls himself Amos The Great) is picking us up at 7:30 so we’re awake early and just getting our stuff together. I’m at one end of the apartment with my back to the door, Michaela is tidying up the bed when I turn around to talk to her and come face to face with, right behind me in the doorway and about to enter the apartment, a house thief in the shape of a monkey.

Apartment in Diani, Kenya
Our apartment
Apartment in Diani, Kenya
View from the outdoor lounge
Apartment in Diani, Kenya
The outdoor lounge
Apartment in Diani, Kenya
Cosy apartment


Now, we all know monkeys will grab and steal anything, and at this moment with preparations for the day underway there is, lying around: cash, a Bank card, two pairs of spectacles in cases, two iPhones and the key to the apartment. Had I not turned around at that moment and scared the little devil away, any of those items could have been whipped away in an instant and been gone forever. Which would have been a bit of a disaster.

We got away with one there. Lesson learned re vigilance.

Indian ocean, Wasini Island Kenya
Indian Ocean

The boat trip is a curate’s egg of a day, mishaps at start and beginning bookending a serene slow journey on a wooden dhow, out beyond the islands to the open sea where we swim in the deep, view coral below and briefly witness a couple of dolphins doing their best to tease photographers giving momentary glimpses of their lithe bodies then submerging once again before anyone gets the zoom lens tuned in. Wasini Island, a coral island being rapidly eroded by ever more turbulent seas, is our venue for a late lunch break where a couple of local guys follow up the fish and cassava with probably the most lame show of gymnastics and juggling we’ve ever seen. Their tip bucket remains unsurprisingly empty.

Snorkelling near Wasini Island, Kenya
Enjoying the ocean

As for the mishaps, the dhow is so ridiculously oversubscribed that passengers are perched on every available piece of wood. Michaela, on the end of a bench, has her entire body weight on just one buttock while the other hangs precariously in mid air. Inevitably, the boat fails the inspection by harbour police and around a dozen passengers are ordered off. The creaking dhow is finally cast off after the anticipated delay of finding a second vessel to accommodate those expelled.

wasini Island, Kenya
Wasini Island

The day is then for the most part really enjoyable, until departure from Wasini Island brings about mishap number two. These seafaring geniuses crewing the boat seem to have overlooked the fact that the Indian Ocean is tidal, leaving all of us stranded on the coral beyond the reach of even the smallest craft. Consequently, we all have to wade across about 200 yards of calf-deep water beneath which there is a coral sea bed capable of piercing the feet like any number of bee stings, until we reach a little wooden punt manned by a short guy manically waving his arms every which what a way. This overworked individual is so irate at being given the unwanted job of ferrying stranded tourists that he rants in Swahili constantly throughout each shuttle to the mother ship….errr…dhow, and then thrusts a tip bucket under the noses of all of us. It too remains empty.

Wasini Island, Kenya
Wasini Island

Despite the hilariously bad bits the crew are immensely likeable and we warm to them hugely. On the final leg of the run back, they launch into an impromptu rendition of “Hakuna Matata” and other appropriate songs which provides entertainment infinitely better than their floppy gymnast and butterfingered juggler colleagues back on Wasini.

We’ve settled nicely into Diani. After our original assessment that the village is relatively unspoilt, we have in fact realised that there is a greater outside influence than we at first thought, but those lodges and hotels which do exist are low rise and all but invisible, tucked amongst the baobabs and palms between the coast road and the beach. There is an expat community here too, seemingly mostly German and Dutch, a surprising number of whom appear to be paired off with a considerably younger local. We judge no one.

Diani Beach, Kenya
Diani Beach
Beer at Diani Bech, Kenya
Diani Beach, Kenya


Restaurant menus are interesting as a result of these clashes of culture. Each one, no matter how international the choices, has a Swahili food section with an array of local dishes – it’s as easy to have pizza as it is ng’ombe nazi karanga. At Swahili Pot the menu is exclusively local; at many the fish and seafood is deliciously fresh and cheap – in fact we would say that the grilled octopus at La Gusta is as good as grilled octopus could ever get.

Swahili Pot restaurant in Diani, Kenya
SWAHILI FOOD
Swahili food at Swahili Pot, Diani, Kenya
Fresh octopus at La Gusta, Diani Beach, Kenya
Fresh Red Snapper at Havana Bar, Diani, Kenya
Swahili coastal food

Asha Bistro Diani BeCh, Kenya
Fresh Taffi fish at Asha Bistro, Diani, Kenya
Fresh Red Snapper at Asha Bistro, Diani, Kenya
Fresh seafood in picturesque places

Diani basks in the constant murmur which is the sound of the Indian Ocean rolling over the coral reef a few hundred yards offshore. The regular phut-phut of tuk-tuks on the coast road is always underscored by the unchanging rumble of the sea which fills every quiet moment. Land side of the reef, the milky ocean waters lap the huge white beaches where coconut sellers and Maasai men laden with trinkets for sale will regularly sidle over for a chat.

Kongo Mosque, Near Diana, Kenya
Ancient mosque at Kongo Beach

Long stretches of soft white sand backed by lush green palm trees will now and again be interrupted by rocky coral, and in places heaps of drying seaweed lay in the sun where the last high tide left them, but the rest is classic Indian Ocean beach. A short tuk-tuk ride north of the village centre brings us to Kongo Beach, where the paradise look is further enhanced by the curling mouth of the Kongo River meandering from the mangroves through sandy banks to meet the sea right on the beach. Brackish lagoons form here on each ebb tide.

Kongo River near Diani, Kenya
Kongo River
Kongo river meets the sea, Kenya
The river meets the sea

And then there’s the people. So far we are finding Kenyans hugely amiable, full of smiles and loving to chat: we already know a lot of people by name and Amos The Great is by no means the only one. In fact, Baraka at the Funky Monkey Bar, who for some reason gets a fit of the giggles each time we walk in to his establishment, has asked us to let him know in advance the next time we’re headed there as he has something special lined up. Lord knows what that might be.

Funky Monkey bar in Diani, Kenya
Swahili curry at the Funky Monkey bar, Diani, Kenya
Funky Monkey Bar


Young Maasai men regularly approach us on the beach, offering trinkets and hand made jewellery for sale. In the Maasai village at the start of this trip, we were told that, after the circumcision thing, the adolescent boys went off into the bush for three years to learn survival skills. We’re now starting to wonder whether what they really do for those three years is sell bracelets to holidaymakers rather than survive in the wild. Maybe that’s disingenuous.

Kongo Beach, Diani, Kenya
Beaches at Diani
Kongo Beach, Diani, Kenya
Beaches at Diani

Thursday morning, July has become August and overnight rain has turned our outdoor lounge into a paddling pool. We probably don’t need to worry about the monkeys so much today….

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