Diani Time: Mishaps & Monkey Business
Sometimes you know you’ve just had a stroke of luck.
Our apartment in Diani is small but has a lovely outdoor space, in fact the “outdoor lounge” is as big as the interior. Today is boat trip day, Amos the boat trip man (who by the way calls himself Amos The Great) is picking us up at 7:30 so we’re awake early and just getting our stuff together. I’m at one end of the apartment with my back to the door, Michaela is tidying up the bed when I turn around to talk to her and come face to face with, right behind me in the doorway and about to enter the apartment, a house thief in the shape of a monkey.
Now, we all know monkeys will grab and steal anything, and at this moment with preparations for the day underway there is, lying around: cash, a Bank card, two pairs of spectacles in cases, two iPhones and the key to the apartment. Had I not turned around at that moment and scared the little devil away, any of those items could have been whipped away in an instant and been gone forever. Which would have been a bit of a disaster.
We got away with one there. Lesson learned re vigilance.
The boat trip is a curate’s egg of a day, mishaps at start and beginning bookending a serene slow journey on a wooden dhow, out beyond the islands to the open sea where we swim in the deep, view coral below and briefly witness a couple of dolphins doing their best to tease photographers giving momentary glimpses of their lithe bodies then submerging once again before anyone gets the zoom lens tuned in. Wasini Island, a coral island being rapidly eroded by ever more turbulent seas, is our venue for a late lunch break where a couple of local guys follow up the fish and cassava with probably the most lame show of gymnastics and juggling we’ve ever seen. Their tip bucket remains unsurprisingly empty.
As for the mishaps, the dhow is so ridiculously oversubscribed that passengers are perched on every available piece of wood. Michaela, on the end of a bench, has her entire body weight on just one buttock while the other hangs precariously in mid air. Inevitably, the boat fails the inspection by harbour police and around a dozen passengers are ordered off. The creaking dhow is finally cast off after the anticipated delay of finding a second vessel to accommodate those expelled.
The day is then for the most part really enjoyable, until departure from Wasini Island brings about mishap number two. These seafaring geniuses crewing the boat seem to have overlooked the fact that the Indian Ocean is tidal, leaving all of us stranded on the coral beyond the reach of even the smallest craft. Consequently, we all have to wade across about 200 yards of calf-deep water beneath which there is a coral sea bed capable of piercing the feet like any number of bee stings, until we reach a little wooden punt manned by a short guy manically waving his arms every which what a way. This overworked individual is so irate at being given the unwanted job of ferrying stranded tourists that he rants in Swahili constantly throughout each shuttle to the mother ship….errr…dhow, and then thrusts a tip bucket under the noses of all of us. It too remains empty.
Despite the hilariously bad bits the crew are immensely likeable and we warm to them hugely. On the final leg of the run back, they launch into an impromptu rendition of “Hakuna Matata” and other appropriate songs which provides entertainment infinitely better than their floppy gymnast and butterfingered juggler colleagues back on Wasini.
We’ve settled nicely into Diani. After our original assessment that the village is relatively unspoilt, we have in fact realised that there is a greater outside influence than we at first thought, but those lodges and hotels which do exist are low rise and all but invisible, tucked amongst the baobabs and palms between the coast road and the beach. There is an expat community here too, seemingly mostly German and Dutch, a surprising number of whom appear to be paired off with a considerably younger local. We judge no one.
Restaurant menus are interesting as a result of these clashes of culture. Each one, no matter how international the choices, has a Swahili food section with an array of local dishes – it’s as easy to have pizza as it is ng’ombe nazi karanga. At Swahili Pot the menu is exclusively local; at many the fish and seafood is deliciously fresh and cheap – in fact we would say that the grilled octopus at La Gusta is as good as grilled octopus could ever get.
Diani basks in the constant murmur which is the sound of the Indian Ocean rolling over the coral reef a few hundred yards offshore. The regular phut-phut of tuk-tuks on the coast road is always underscored by the unchanging rumble of the sea which fills every quiet moment. Land side of the reef, the milky ocean waters lap the huge white beaches where coconut sellers and Maasai men laden with trinkets for sale will regularly sidle over for a chat.
Long stretches of soft white sand backed by lush green palm trees will now and again be interrupted by rocky coral, and in places heaps of drying seaweed lay in the sun where the last high tide left them, but the rest is classic Indian Ocean beach. A short tuk-tuk ride north of the village centre brings us to Kongo Beach, where the paradise look is further enhanced by the curling mouth of the Kongo River meandering from the mangroves through sandy banks to meet the sea right on the beach. Brackish lagoons form here on each ebb tide.
And then there’s the people. So far we are finding Kenyans hugely amiable, full of smiles and loving to chat: we already know a lot of people by name and Amos The Great is by no means the only one. In fact, Baraka at the Funky Monkey Bar, who for some reason gets a fit of the giggles each time we walk in to his establishment, has asked us to let him know in advance the next time we’re headed there as he has something special lined up. Lord knows what that might be.
Young Maasai men regularly approach us on the beach, offering trinkets and hand made jewellery for sale. In the Maasai village at the start of this trip, we were told that, after the circumcision thing, the adolescent boys went off into the bush for three years to learn survival skills. We’re now starting to wonder whether what they really do for those three years is sell bracelets to holidaymakers rather than survive in the wild. Maybe that’s disingenuous.
Thursday morning, July has become August and overnight rain has turned our outdoor lounge into a paddling pool. We probably don’t need to worry about the monkeys so much today….
33 Comments
Lynette d'Arty-Cross
Interesting, enjoyable post. Beautiful pictures.
Phil & Michaela
Thank you x
wetanddustyroads
Monkeys are a big problem at some of our campsites and resorts here in South Africa – we’ve learned to have eyes behind our heads (and to keep doors and windows closed). What would a monkey do with a bank card or cash, I wonder. The turquoise water and white beach … oh yes, that looks like a proper holiday! I can watch a river flowing into the ocean for hours – there’s just something magical about that. Just one last thought: If I were a monkey in Diani, I would have tried to avoid the Funky Monkey Bar!
Phil & Michaela
Yep I think we had a lucky escape with that one. You’re right as well, the river flowing quickly over the beach and meeting the waves is kind of mesmerising
Heyjude
Sounds like you are having an idyllic time. Those beaches, the colour of the water, the food. No mention of mossies ?
Phil & Michaela
Popping the malaria pills every day, not a single mozzie encounter as of yet. In fact, even Michaela has not a bite by anything to her name, which is very unusual. It is though quite windy along this coast so that may explain it. I’m sure we’ll have our fair share of encounters later.
Heyjude
I was the same during my African trip – daily malaria tablets and one weekly (which made me ill) and not a single mossie bite! The sand fleas got me though.
Toonsarah
Apart from the risk of invading monkeys this place sounds pretty idyllic! We were warned when we stayed in a lodge in Gambia that had outdoor showers not to leave any toiletries out there as the baboons would try to drink the shower gel etc 😆 The seafood looks great, as do the beaches and beautiful turquoise sea. I wouldn’t have fancied wading out over that coral though.
Phil & Michaela
You have to laugh at such things don’t you!!?!
grandmisadventures
It seems you have landed in a perfectly lovely spot with nice people, good food, stunning ocean views, and even the occasional pesky monkey intruder. So glad the monkey was scared off before he could do any mischief with important items! 🙂
Phil & Michaela
Feeling pretty settled here, though we’re hearing it’s a little different in high season
Helen Devries
When Leo was in Malindi, he took off his t shirt, to find it grabbed by a monkey who shot up a tree and taunted him with it!
He’d had a terrible trip..customs tried to seize his south african wine…the currency exchange window shut down as he approached and needed firm action to reopen….his hotel registration was conveniently ‘lost’ as the President and entourage were in town so had to spend the night in a brothel with gaps in the floorboards, cockroaches galore and incessant noise….his onward flight to Malindi had also been cancelled, and only his contacts with British Airways allowed it to be reinstated…
Malindi was full of German ladies of a certain age looking for young local men with whom to spend their holiday, so, all in all, the monkey was the high spot!
He should have gone to Diani!
Phil & Michaela
Ah but that sounds like a PROPER trip, Helen. As it happens, we’re discovering that Diani has an underbelly….as you will probably see…
Alison
Seems like you are having some fantastic adventures, some better than others! Definitely look into reef shoes. The water looks amazing. I didn’t realise Kenya was for beach holidays also.
Phil & Michaela
This coast has quite a long stretch of tropical beaches. Apparently even the city beach in Mombasa is beautiful
Lookoom
What beautiful beach scenery, it really is an ideal place to get away from Western life. The carefree rhythm of African life seems to prevail.
Phil & Michaela
Definitely the case!
Monkey's Tale
I think we had the same dhow for our dive trip! It all looks and sounds idyllic in a typically Kenyan kind of way. 😊
Phil & Michaela
😂😂. It’ll be interesting to see the differences as we move through the other countries
Suzanne@PictureRetirement
You two look very much at peace with your environment, despite the monkey thief – carry on.
Phil & Michaela
Thank you Suzanne….yep, we’ve felt pretty settled here…
leightontravels
Fabulous experiences all-round, mishaps included. The food looks incredible and it sounds like you’ve met plenty of characters. I’m glad that you remained on the right side of the local ‘monkey business’.
Phil & Michaela
It’s been a good little spell here, Leighton, a good place to chill for a while
Annie Berger
Great read of your time in Diani, Phil – you made it feel so real that we were all along for the first hand experience complete with your almost monkey thief!
Phil & Michaela
Thank you Annie, it’s been a good place to chill out for a while
WanderingCanadians
Despite the mishaps it sounds like you’ve enjoyed your time in Diani and came out with some great memories and stories. I wouldn’t have enjoyed having to walk on the coral though. I got a good laugh about how that dude then had the audacity to put out a tip bucket. Yah, no thanks!
Phil & Michaela
No surprise it stayed empty huh! It’s been a good place to chill for a bit…time to move on now…
Latitude Adjustment: A Tale of Two Wanderers
Looks like a nice sweet spot.
Phil & Michaela
It’s been a good place to chill for a bit….time to move on now…
Cherryl
Fabulous, though maybe not the free paddling pool! 😝
Phil & Michaela
😆
Christie
What a fantastic scenery!
Hope the monkeys didn’t learn how to swim😀
Phil & Michaela
Thankfully not….I think that was a lucky escape….